Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
