do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
