he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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