You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
