We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
