ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
