Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
