perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
