Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
