We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize