i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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