you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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