so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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