i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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