worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I would ride that face into the sunset
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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