think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
