I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
