You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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