I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
