Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
