I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
