I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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