She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
not ubering you a puppy
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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