Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
