I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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