here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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