I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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