dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
