the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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