Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
