I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I currently don't understand fingers.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
