My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
