Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
