I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
