I wannas sexs uuuuu
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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