I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
