I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
