I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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