Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize