I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
