The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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