5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
