fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
