O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
