She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
