I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
