Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize