I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
