Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just google imaged poop.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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