i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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