Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
