You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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