I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize