The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
