I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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