i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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