every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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