Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
