My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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