you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
