she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Houston, we have a squirter
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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