i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
